hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
