Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
