Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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