just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
