it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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