Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
