Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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