whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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