Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My vagina is officially offended.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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