I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
