shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
