As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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