Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
