They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize