when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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