im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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