these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
