Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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