apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
