Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
