I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
