im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize