did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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