i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
