I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
