i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need moral support for this bender
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
