did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
