I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
