I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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