I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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