We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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