i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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