I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
