you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
