But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the day after is always just damage control
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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