The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
