I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
