we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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