Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
