So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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