do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize