im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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