i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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