I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
