the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
