I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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