just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
