Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
