So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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