sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
