Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
