so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
