Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
