end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
