There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
