How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
