it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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