my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
