I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
