her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
