I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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