When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
