When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
