the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize