You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
