When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is not my ceiling
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
