Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
